PRosé with Special Guest Myra McElhaney
McElhaney lost her husband to brain cancer 11 years ago, and wrote her memoir, Building a Life You Love After Losing the Love of Your Life after her experience guiding others in overcoming their grief. As an experienced writer and speaker, her poignant and humorous words make readers laugh, cry and nod agreement as she unearths universal truths. Vikki Locke and Cyndee Woolley talked to McElhaney on the latest PRosé episode about her memoir and about practical advice on getting through grief.
McElhaney felt lost after her husband died, and in her own search for comfort, never found the right instruction manual. “I had read some books, some widow memoirs, and normally they start with the diagnosis or the accident and drag you through the treatment, hospital stays, funeral, etc., and then about 2/3 of the way through they would say, ‘and then my kids wanted a new daddy and I started dating and then everything was fine’,” she explains. McElhaney realized she had more to say about the reality of grieving. She writes with wit and tenderness about her journey through grief, beginning the book’s narrative with the day after her husband died.
McElhaney’s book is a relatable, easy read as she frequently intersperses humor with sadness, for example admitting she didn’t do her own grieving the best way, instead she “did some heavy grief therapy with Jose Cuervo and Ben and Jerry’s.”
Most people today aren’t given the time needed to really grieve a significant loss. “We have this mindset that you need to be back at work in two weeks, like everything is fine,” McElhaney says, but it takes much longer than that to be ok. She recommends reaching beyond supportive friends and getting professional help from a counselor, grief group, or therapist. Listen to the PRosé podcast for more insights from her book and advice for anyone grieving, like how she needed to grieve both the loss of her husband and the loss of her marriage, what you should not say to a grieving friend, and even how the death of a spouse compares to a nasty divorce (her answer may surprise you).